


Thaw

by phanburnhamizzard



Category: Phan, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), dan and phil
Genre: Angst, Cuddles, Depression, Domestic, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, M/M, Medication, Mental Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 14:22:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14771331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanburnhamizzard/pseuds/phanburnhamizzard
Summary: This is part 2 of a 2 part series.  Frozen is part 1.





	Thaw

Summary: Sequel to "Frozen". Dan returns home from the hospital, and is still in the depths of depression. It is only Phil that can reach him, keep him safe and care for him as he slowly heals. Both parts of this fiction were inspired by "College Dropout" which I recommend you watch after you've read the story for better effect.

 

"I'm not ever going to be okay, Phil. I cannot be the person my family wants me to be. I'm not that smart. I'm not that perfect."

Dan was lying with his head buried in Phil's chest, his weak voice breaking from the strain of talking after so many weeks of silence.

"I hurt, Phil. My chest hurts, my heart hurts, my stomach hurts–everything hurts. All the time. I feel as if the world is moving at the right speed and I'm stuck in molasses, and it takes all my energy just to try to keep up."

A single tear rolled down his left cheek.

Phil brushed it away, but said nothing, allowing Dan to continue at his own pace.

"What is life, Phil? What is existence? What am I?"

"Maybe we can never figure all that out, Dan. And maybe that is the way it is supposed to be. Perhaps we're meant to focus on the smaller things: the things we can control."

A few minutes later, Dan whispered, "What if I can't do it, Phil? What if I can't find the strength to go on?"

"Then I will help you" Phil replied, softly,

"I cannot finish anything. It is all too much. And I cannot ask you to live my life for me. You have your own life and struggles to deal with."

"Dan," Phil said gently, "You have been using all your strength for far too long. It is my turn now. If you feel weak, I will guide you. If your load is too much to bear, I will carry it for you. I love you, Dan. Your struggles are mine. You are not alone in this or in anything in your life."

Dan was silent for a moment. 

"Phil?" 

"Yes, Dan?"

"I don't know how to ask for help."

"I know that, Dan" Phil said with a kind laugh. "Let's start practicing that right now. Tell me what you want for supper."

And Dan let out a quick, unexpected laugh. It was barely audible, but it was there. And the surge of adrenaline it brought to both young men was palpable.

"There you are!" exclaimed Phil, tenderly as he tilted up Dan's chin and looked into his eyes. "I knew you were still in there. Oh, how I've missed you!"

"I've missed you too, Phil," said Dan. "I've missed life with you."

Phil bent over and kissed Dan's forehead, then eased out from under him, covered him with a comforter, and went to the kitchen to make dinner.

The next few weeks were far from easy for either boy. Phil would often come in from the other room only to find Dan on the floor sobbing, or worse, just lying there perfectly still. Dan's pain was still very acute and his depression very serious, and Phil watched him closely. He made sure Dan was always safe and for a time, he even had Louise come over and stay with Dan when he went out for the groceries, just to make sure he was okay.

They slept together in Phil's bed each night, arms wrapped around each others' shoulders. And in the morning, when they awakened, Phil had Dan help him make the breakfast before they sat down to watch their favorite anime together. After about a week of doing this, Dan no longer needed his walker as his legs were strong enough to support him on their own. They celebrated this major progress by having a dinner with some of their closest friends in their apartment.

Phil went with Dan to all of his therapy appointments and, at Dan's insistence, he was invited in on several occasions to help explain what Dan was trying to say to his therapist. Phil had a way of taking the few worlds Dan uttered and making them into more coherent sentences that the therapist could then use to help Dan.

In the meantime, life was going on around them and Phil realized that even though Dan's videos were not released regularly, he was very overdo to release one by this time. Fortunately, Dan had two DINOF's already filmed, so Phil carefully edited them in Dan's style and released them. They both made excuses for missing their live shows, but Phil kept up with the tweets and Tumbr posts for both of them. The fans, as sharp as they were, were none the wiser to the real situation, though they did start getting suspicious about Dan's University attendance.

Finally, the day came when Dan was feeling well enough to think about making a video.

"That's great, Dan!" Phil replied enthusiastically. "What are you going to make it about?"

"I think I want to make it about what has been happening."

"Dan, are you sure?" Phil said, worriedly. 

"I mean, we can make it funny instead of serious, and I can leave out the more dramatic parts, but yeah. I feel like I can't be the only person who has ever gone through this and maybe talking about it will be helpful to someone out there."

Phil smiled. that was his Dan, always thinking of helping others.

And so they scripted and filmed and Dan edited it himself and released it two days later. It was strange for them, going through those terrifying and serious events and making light of them, but in a way, both boys found it therapeutic, even finding themselves laughing while they made it. The video made a huge impression on the fans and eventually got over 2 million views.

It took about a month before Dan was ready to go out in public and see fans again, and by the time he did, he looked healthy and vital. Phil felt himself swell with pride as he saw Dan taking pictures and signing autographs again.

One morning in the spring, Phil awoke to Dan presenting him with an entire box of dry cereal wrapped in a ribbon with a big bow on the top.

"What is this?" Phil laughed

"It's a small, meaningless way for me to say 'Thank You' to you for helping me through this. I could not have made it without you, Phil. And I don't know how better to say it than by wrapping up some dry cereal with a bow because my therapist says I'm 'too sarcastic to be sincere'. So here. Take this, you spork" he said, and then tossed the cereal onto the bed. 

Phil laughed so hard that he stuck his tongue out the right side of his mouth, something he had not done in months. Dan then tackled Phil, tickling him.

Phil took Dan into his arms and gave him a huge hug. His friend was back.


End file.
